by Jason Patzer
The holiday season is in full swing! We’ve already made it through Thanksgiving, and possibly a couple of winter parties or concerts, but the gatherings are likely just beginning. It can be a busy time, typically filled with friends and family, joy and happiness, office parties, and school concerts. But beneath all of the cheer and merriment, there can also be a little bit of sadness. It could be as simple as not being able to come up with that perfect gift, or as the new year approaches, thinking about goals you haven’t met. Or maybe, and likely, you’re thinking of a loved one you will not be able to see this year. It’s a unique blend of joy and melancholy that defines this time of year. It’s OK to be sad. That sadness is a reflection of the love you had. It’s OK to sit in your sadness for a while, too. It’s a season inherently linked to memory and connection, so use this time and these gatherings to share a special memory. For many of us, the comforting ritual of food or beverage is right at the heart of it all.
A warm mug can be like a time machine. It whisks us back to cherished holiday mornings. One for me (and likely, my own children) is having to wait a few extra minutes so that Dad has his coffee brewed and ready before we open presents so early in the morning. It’s funny to think back on how anxious I was waiting for my dad back then, and to now see my kids waiting for me.
I’ve written here before about Irish coffees, and even shared a recipe (March 2023), but what I hadn’t shared was that I started making these at my mother-in-law’s request. She, like me, was not a whiskey drinker. Unlike me, though, she was Irish, and I think that’s what compelled her to request them at festive gatherings. I enjoyed making them and sharing them with her. Despite neither one of us liking whiskey, something about the combination, the company, and the season just made it work. I’m not sure when I’ll next make an Irish coffee, but I do know it will be an emotional experience filled with fond memories.
That’s just it, though: coffee is more than just a beverage in these stories; it’s a point of connection. Every sip carries a trace of their presence, an echo of a shared moment. The coffee we brew this holiday season might taste a little somber because it serves as a reminder of loved ones past, but let it also be a vehicle to share and embrace those memories.
Maybe, for you, it’s not a cup of coffee. Maybe it’s a specific cookie you only have this time of year. Or a special pot of soup that makes the kitchen smell just right. Possibly, that special holiday punch you only ever see at the holiday gatherings. Whatever it is for you that unlocks that memory, embrace it and sit with it a bit. Share it with someone. As I write this, I’m reminded of going out on the snowy porch of my aunt and uncle’s house on Christmas to grab the ice cream pail of brandy slush after dinner for the adults. These sensory details are the anchors of our most treasured memories, and the simple act of partaking in that dish or sipping that drink can bridge the past with the present.
The holidays offer a fantastic opportunity to reconnect and remember. When you get together with family, coworkers, or dear friends, the stories flow freely. It’s usually the same stories, too. It’s the laughter you share over the misadventures of the past. The story of the glass gravy boat blowing up because it was set on the burner. The time you forgot the coffee filter when brewing the coffee. Any story, really, it doesn’t matter. It’s the sharing of memories that makes a difference.
Even if you can’t do big gatherings with lots of people, you can still have these moments of connection. There’s a beautiful, understated intimacy in asking, “Can we get some coffee?” This small gesture is an invitation to connect and slow down for a moment. The gentle ritual of sipping acts as a natural rhythm for dialogue. It encourages pauses, active listening, and the kind of unhurried presence that facilitates connection and support.
This article was originally published in the December 2025/January 2026 issue of Appleton Monthly Magazine.
